I don’t know, man, it’s your call: Totally Useful vs. Dressing Like Mom Did in 1991. There are pros and cons to both of those perspectives, so do whatever works best for you.
Take these scraps of fabric:
From L to R: Waistband straps, the purse, and the attachment clips. FYI, my purse ended up longer than the standard fanny pack, so you might want to cut yours into 6×10″ pieces instead.
Take both of the long skinny straps and sew each of them lengthwise, wrong sides together (we aren’t going to hem the straps; we’ll just let them fray to their hearts’ content).
Oh, have you used this type of adjustable belt buckle before?
I think it’s called a “parachute” or “side release” buckle. The piece on the left is the “female” piece, and the one on the right is the “male.” I’m sure I don’t need to explain why (everyone knows that females are curvy and that males have three spiked prongs).
Attach the zipper to the bag (the square-shaped pieces of fabric), right sides together.
It’ll look like this:
Take one of the straps, and feed it through the “female” buckle piece.
Pin and sew both ends of the strap to the right side (as opposed to the wrong side) of the bag, up near the zipper.
Take the other strap, and pin & sew one end of it to the same side of the bag, but near the opposite end of the zipper.
Fold the bag together, right sides facing, and sew the edges together. Keep the straps tucked inside, and remember to leave the zipper partially open so that you can turn it right-side-out without swearing!
Turn it right side out, and attach the “male” clip to the long strap.
First, feed it through the hole that’s closest to the prongs…
And then cram it through the bottom hole.
And with your hands all freed up, you can finally take up Kangaroo Boxing for sport. Go get ’em, Tough Guy!